Silence Doesn't Mean Anything

I know I have been silent.  It doesn't mean that I am not here.  It just means that life has gone on.  Not much has changed.  Recently a dear friend died.  There was a time, and this is hard for me to say, that she was more of a mother to me than my own.  At that time I was immature and ignorant.  It is unfortunate that I didn't understand the true effect my own mother had on me and my life until after she was gone.  You hear that all the time, don't you?  As is the case with my infertility, I try to impart words of wisdom (which come from life experience) to those around me.  When a friend complains about her mother, I try to encourage her to look past those things which annoy or are below standard, and love her through it.  Because, dear friend,  when she is gone, she is g.o.n.e.  There is no turning back.  And living life with regrets is no way to live.

So, this friend who recently died, she was the godliest woman I have ever had the privilege of knowing.  She lived a very quiet and simple life.  But she lived every one of her days preparing for the moment she would meet her savior, every moment preparing for that day when her faith would be sight.  Well, she is sitting at his feet right now.

I learned so much from her during the tenure of our friendship.  I learned about loving the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. I learned about loving others more than yourself.  I learned what it was to be your husband's helpmeet - until death parts you.  I learned that there is nothing more important on this earth than your relationship with God.

So, what do I take away from her death and her life?  I need to do better.  Plain and simple.  I have failed at every turn.  My life is more than half over and if I were to die today, I would hide my face in shame from my savior.  Oh wretched [wo]man that I am...who shall save me from this body of death?  Praise be to Jesus, my Lord and my Savior.