Why??

Is there something wrong with me?  Why do the tears still flow so easily?  Why do the tears come without warning?  Why am I sometimes swept into deep sadness?  Why does it appear that people have forgotten?  Why does the fact that it seems like people have forgotten make me so mad?  Why do I feel so alone in my grief? 

I wish that I could talk to my dad about the hurt in my heart, but I don't want to upset him.  I mention things in passing to my brother, and they are ignored.  I have one sister who said "You have to find a way to cope."  And another sister who is absent all together. 

The co-worker's husband died.  He held on much longer than my mom. What is his widow feeling now?  I feel like such a baby, that I have no business feeling this badly...when so many others are dealing with harder things.  Yet here I sit, feeling my sadness, alone...and all I can do is feel sorry for myself.  How pathetic.